Recognising Domestic Abuse
Domestic violence can happen to anyone; heterosexual couples, same-sex couples, all age ranges, ethnic backgrounds and all economic/financial levels – it is not acceptable, and you have every right to feel valued, respected, safe and in control of your own life.
Recognising abuse is the first step to making a positive change, and breaking this cycle.
Domestic abuse often starts out as threats and verbal abuse, and then will progress to violence. Whilst physical injury may be the most obvious danger, the emotional and psychological consequences of domestic abuse can also impact a person. You may feel as though you still love this person, and you want to help them change but emotionally abusive and violent relationships can impact your self-worth, and nobody should be made to feel like that.
Recognising the reality of the abuse is the first step.
Signs of an abusive relationship:
Do you:
- Feel afraid of your partner?
- Avoid doing certain things out of fear of angering your partner?
- Believe that you deserve to be hurt or mistreated?
- Wonder if you’re the one who is crazy?
- Feel emotionally numb or helpless?
Does your partner:
- Humiliate or shout at you in public or at home?
- Criticise you regularly?
- Treat you so badly that you are embarrassed for your friends or family to witness?
- Ignore your opinions or be-little your achievements?
- Blame you for their behaviour?
- See you as something they own or a ‘sex object’?
- Have an uncontrollable temper?
- Hurt you, or threaten to hurt or kill you?
- Threaten to take your children away?
- Threaten to harm themselves if you leave?
- Force you to have sex?
- Destroy your belongings?
- Limit you access to money?
- Keep you from seeing friends and family?
If any of this behaviour is happening regularly, you have every right to reach out and help is available for you to do so. You will be treated with the respect you deserve and supported by specialist organisations.
Footnote: If you are in an abusive relationship and requires an urgent response or needs in-depth support please contact the National Domestic Violence Helpline on 0808 2000 247, the Men’s Advice Helpline on 0808 801 0327 or The National LGBT Helpline(Broken Rainbow) on 0300 999 5428.
You could also find support organisations using our ONLINE DIRECTORY
my first marriage, 32 years was full of these issues. i left, so damaged that i lost out on a fair financial settlement. i met my second husband, still unaware of the extent of the previous abuse and the condition it had caused. my second husband was worse than the first, but being a full blown psychopathic narcissist, was able to fool me for a while.10 years of escalating violence and abuse, i left and am now divorcing him.i now have complex post traumatic stress disorder and am struggling to get PIP benefit, as i need support due to my ongoing problems.my children from my first marriage are divided in their support.two with their father, two being supportive to me.
Hi Rosemary,
I too was with a psychopathic narcissist for 3 years
Who in that 3 years nearly destroyed me,I had a severe mental breakdown due to the verbal and physical abuse,when I left him as I was starting to become ill,he would not stop contacting me and I ended up going back to him.
This broke my family’s heart as they could see him for the man he was and my family fell out with me over this which suited him just fine!!!.
In the time I was away from my family he made me feel like I was better off without my family and whilst on very heavy medication he had sex with me which I do not recall but a very hard thing to prove when it’s your husband.I found out I was pregnant at 4 months this was a big shock as I was 42 and never planned to have children but my son is a blessing the best thing to ever happen to me.
At 5 months pregnant he started again with his verbal abuse and hit me again which made me realise it’s not just about me anymore.I left him and felt strong again but unknown to me I was manic and had bipolar which is hard to diagnose but looking back I had the terrible low(in which I tried to commit suicide) and the mania felt great but luckily enough the crisis team and my family recognised this and at 7 months pregnant I voluntarily admitted myself to a mental health unit which was difficult as I felt great.This is when I got my diagnosis of bipolar and have since had a very bad depressive episode but I am recovering from that.
I too am also having difficulty getting PIP after the assessment but am appealing against it but I think I will be getting advice from MIND as I was only one point off the requirement which when I said I wanted to appeal the DWP advisor I spoke to was not very understanding of mental health asking me to get a letter off my doctor about the financial decision part of the form!!!and even though I had explained to the accessor who did my assessment about the debt I have got myself into with my illness i.e.rent arrears,debt relief orders she did not include this in her assessment!!!.Please do not let this get you down as this PIP thing is was getting me down but I am going to go to MIND and maybe contact my local MP about his.
We are stronger than we know and I do believe in karma for pschopatic narcissists.good luck