Light At The End Of The Tunnel By Samantha Billingham…….
I left my abusive relationship in November 2006 after my ex partner slapped me, splitting my lip open as I held our ten month old daughter in my arms. It was at that moment I knew things had to change in our relationship. It was a Friday evening and we had been to our local pub and I always felt frightened about what could happen next when he had been drinking. We got back home and apparently according to him, I had “said the wrong thing” and before I knew it, I was tasting blood in my mouth.
We were standing on the doorstep as he swung his arm back and slapped me hard across my mouth. He muttered something and before I knew it, he was gone. Clutching my daughter closer to me I went back inside and phoned the Police. They came but didn’t take a statement from me on that night because I was intoxicated.
I was scared and shaking as he came back home in the early hours, I knew I had to act as normal as I possibly could without giving him any clue whatsoever as to what I was going to do. I knew I had to do it the right way this time and for the safety of my daughter so I had to treat extra carefully over the next couple of days.
On the Monday morning, I put her into her pram, told him I was going to the shop (this was the only place I could go alone, although when I did go he would bombard me with texts demanding to know where I was and who I was talking to) but instead caught the bus to the local police station. Making my last ever statement to the Police filled me with fear and I was frightened of what my perpetrator could do to me but I knew it was the right thing for me to do for the safety of my daughter.
I came out of the Police station shaking but I knew I was doing the right thing, I remember phoning my dad and telling him I was now on my way to a local firm of solicitors to get an Injunction Order out against him. I was petrified as I sat in the solicitor’s office and before I knew it the Order had been granted.
When I left the relationship I wasn’t given a helpline number or signposted to specialist services, I was referred to an 8 week awareness course at my local SureStart Centre by Social Services, which is the only reason I attended because I was scared that they would take my daughter away from me if I didn’t go – my ex perpetrator had constantly told me I was a s*** mother.
In May 2009 I set up my own support group to be the support I never had. It started off as a secret Facebook group, which is still active today. I run a voluntary support group called SODA Survivors of Domestic Abuse which reduces isolation and raises awareness for others, it is a safe haven for people to come together without judgement and to understand that they aren’t alone.
To date, I have been a speaker at many different events up and down the country, sharing my story with others and raising domestic abuse awareness. I use the media as a platform to raise awareness too, I write a regular column for a local newspaper and more recently I have my own regular radio slot on a local radio station because I believe the one thing that we can all do for victims of domestic abuse is raise awareness for them. It was only when I left my relationship that I learned I had been a victim, I didn’t recognise his controlling behaviour because he did it in such a way that made me think he loved me. I am also an Ambassador for a local charity called The Haven Wolverhampton, who support women and children who have experienced domestic violence, homelessness and domestic abuse.
In 2021 I will be collaborating with a local beauty salon where SODA will be taking up residency in the salon. A beauty therapist, nail technician and hairdresser see and hear so many domestic abuse disclosures without knowing where to signpost them too; having SODA in the salon means the team members can signpost clients as soon as the disclosure is made.
Wishing you all a very Happy New Year.
Best wishes,
Samantha Billingham
Founder of SODA www.sodahq.uk and awareness4all.uk
Ambassador of The Haven, Wolverhampton http://www.havenrefuge.org.uk
Columnist for Express & Star http://www.expressandstar.com
Specialist Support Helplines
The National Domestic Abuse Helpline – 08082000247
The Men’s Advice Helpline – 08088010327
The National LGBT Helpline – 03009995428
Comments are closed.