So much has been running through my mind over the past few months. The last few days have been dark again so I thought I would try and put it into words to help me move forward.
I just wanted to share this, so here you go……….. if it helps one person then even better…
Whooo hoo yippee I am Finally free. No need to worry, just my kids and I. So why do I feel so afraid and alone -nobody calling or texting my phone. For so long I faced a battle on my own, let a dragon rip me, tear me down and try to pull apart my whole life. I went through the pain, hurt, strife and felt nothing but fear/worry/pain.
To be lifted up, praised and then dropped right down again – never knowing when I was safe, never feeling totally free…..
This person I cared for, loved and trusted; used, hurt and left me busted, bruised, broken and ashamed
The worst was receiving all the blame for his actions. The feeling of losing yourself, what you are, in return for praising and calling him a star when they are really not, made me lose my pride.
How can I explain what this person has done? How can I let him know he has not won?
I feel so low, down and afraid sometimes – it’s so bad that I’ve even prayed and opened my mouth to say what he did.
I’ve not backed down or stayed hidden. I will tell the world about his wrongdoing – I might even write it in a song. Nobody should be allowed to feel this way. He made his mistakes but will he learn? If not, I suppose in hell he will burn…..
For now, I will continue to:
- learn my worth
- hold my head high
- ride the waves
- not get dragged down
- learn to wear my crown
His damage is done but it is not the end. My kids are my angels. There’s always some form of kindness in people(it costs nothing to be kind)
I will not allow myself to be destroyed. The pain and hurt will not leave me annoyed. I can rise above this and be happy with me.
I can overcome this and finally be free. I will open up and tell my story to all. I will probably cry, wail and bawl but be patient with me and please don’t run.
I know without this pain I can be so much fun, BUT I just wanted the world to see that even after the worst happens, you can still be free. Open up and don’t hold back. Don’t let them hang you up on a rack Every day in the future I will fight in order to make sure I see the light. Don’t give in, just keep moving on.
You can do this, you’ve got this – I am sure.
Keep talking, expressing yourself……. who cares if you are a bore.
To speak out and make it all very real will help you move forward and feel truly inspired.
When the dark days come and you’ve emptied your cup. look for the goodness around to cheer you up, build you and give you happiness
On the days when you think what is the use, stand up for your self, stand against domestic abuse!
Specialist Support Helplines
The National Domestic Violence Helpline 0808 2000 247
The Men’s Advice Helpline 0808 801 0327
The National LGBT Helpline 0300 999 5428.
You could also find support organisations using our ONLINE DIRECTORY
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