In all cases of abuse, there is some control over the victim, and this explains the reason why the victim will invent excuses to protect their attacker.
Excuses that include many of the following:
- He or she has been going through a lot lately.
- I know he or she really didn’t mean to hurt me.
- He or she is only like this when alcohol is involved.
- I know he or she really loves me.
Women and men who have been and still are victims of domestic violence often try to hide blatant evidence of abuse, such as bruises, black eyes, and fingernail scratches, in an attempt to get on the good graces of their attackers, falsely assuming their violent attacks will never happen again.
Sadly, the attacks do happen again and again. There’s also a possibility the attacker gets even more violent as the attacks continue.
Breaking the silence is the first step at ending the violence and leaving the relationship before a violent situation escalates is often needed in order to stop the abuse completely.
With many domestic violence victims, leaving the violent situation is often filled with mixed emotions and excuses for staying in the situation will surface immediately.
- When victims are encouraged to leave the violence they usually tend to give excuses such as:
- I have to stay in the relationship for the children.
- I need to earn enough money first.I love him or her.
- I need him or her.
Stopping the abuse begins with:
Breaking the silence
Telling a trustworthy friend or a family member about the abuse
No longer attempting to hide evidence of abuse any longer.
Developing friendship with your neighbors and asking them to call the police on your behalf, should they hear a violent outrage from your attacker.
In addition to having a trustworthy neighbor to call the police for you, ask your family or friends and neighbors if your children can visit them within a short notice, should your attacker become violent.
It’s also important to note:
*Being silent in a domestic violence situation, will only prolong the danger.
*Making excuses for the attacker is enabling the violence to continue.
Domestic violence cases involve violent outbursts that escalate over time and the longer the violence is tolerated, by keeping silent and making excuses the worse it becomes.